Men, this one's for you.
What is it you crave most from your wife? I bet what most motivates you is RESPECT. Do you feel respected when she is intimate with you? Do you feel disrespected when she talks over you? Do you feel respected when she comments on how you show her love? Do you feel disrespected when she comments on a chore you didn't complete? I'm willing to bet your biggest marital motivator could be defined under the heading of respect. The idea that men are motivated by respect while women are motivated by love offers a nice perspective on how to treat your spouse. The explanation (and book) comes from Dr. Eggerichs.
This post however, is not about your needs. It's about her needs.
Where you need respect, she needs LOVE. She needs to feel loved, in many of the areas you need to feel respected.
It's easy to forget about her need to feel loved, when you feel disrespected. During conflict, it's especially easy to forget that love motivates her. Sure, you both need love and respect, but the felt need for each is different.
If your wife is showing you contempt or disrespect, it's possibly because she is feeling unloved.
What have you done in the past that has made her feel loved? When did she last light up with a smile over something you did or said? Assure your wife of your love for her. She needs reassurance of your love through your actions. Hold her hand. Ask her how she feels. Let her know when she did something you enjoyed and how it made you feel.Put your cell phone down when she is in the room (or before you come home). Do a chore from her list. Initiate conversation. When she asks about your day, give her details. Brag about her in front of others.These are just a few ways to start showing her love.
Ladies, if you're interested in what to say to your man, I have a post for you too. The words you use are very important.
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