Wednesday, October 19, 2011

What I Know for Sure About Marriage

Disclaimer: Mom, don't read this post.

At 27 I know of two certainties regarding a happy, healthy marriage.

1. Agree about Money
This is no easy task. This can take months and years to figure out. It's a process. But, I encourage you to go for it. It is ever so important that you figure out how to agree about money. When you do, you will find peace with your spouse on a majority of issues. Further, you will find that your spouse and you are united on a a major front. Money touches almost every area of our lives in America. Money is something you use many times a day. If you can find agreement on money you will become a team, ganging up on the outside world and on your debt. In this post I discuss our system for paying back our debt. It really took a long time for us to get on board with recognizing that we needed to agree on money. The system we use allows us to set goals and make them happen, as a couple.

2. Have Sex
Having sex is one of the surest ways I know to have a healthy marriage. For a long time I thought that sex was just sex. It was simply a biological want (not a need) for my husband. I thought that for him, wanting to have sex was like me wanting to have a new shirt. I thought for him, wanting to have sex was like me wanting to have some great chocolate. Neither of these (clothes or chocolate) are a need. I thought sex was just a typical want for my husband.

Boy was I wrong. This book  helped me to realize how he thinks about sex. After reading this book I started to realize that sex for him is like an emotional connection for me. He NEEDS to have sex to feel loved, it's not a want. How often do you need your husband to say or show that he loves you? I would prefer to hear or see that every day. How often do you need him to listen to you and connect emotionally? Again, I need this just about every day. Can you imagine what would happen to a relationship if the husband only listened and connected emotionally once a week or once a month? What would happen to the marriage if the husband only said "I Love You" once a year?

A similar breakdown happens for the relationship when the husband only gets to have sex once a week/month/year.

It's probably worth it to say there are times when you likely don't feel like your husband "deserves" sex. This is getting into deep water and I wish I could write a book on just this topic...maybe I will someday. But in short, I would suggest trying to have sex regardless of whether he has been the wonderful, loving husband you expect or something else:) Do this knowing he probably has tried to emotionally connect with you when you weren't being the most wonderful, caring wife you could be either.

There are many reasons why a woman might not want to have sex regularly, which I don't address here. For me it was a game changer to find out it's not just a want (like my new shirt) its a NEED. Having sex with my husband is how he understands that I love him. This is something I know for sure about marriage.


Us at a wedding this summer. Comment not necessary.


4 comments:

  1. I LOVE the fact that you can address sex in such a blunt manner. You are totally right! Women don't understand that when we are connected as a couple through sex, everything else about the relationship is better because the man is open to you.

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  2. Is there a "love" button? I'm glad you put this out there and in such a way that's respectful and beautiful.

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  4. I appreciate your responses. It lets me know what to write more of. Thanks!

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