The thing that I didn't know before marriage was that being vulnerable is what allows us to get closer to others. As children we are completely vulnerable and have to rely on our parents for food and love. The bond that forms is a strong one.
Similarly, when learning to ride a bike, if you don't go "all out" and peddle forward, you will fall. Think about the first time you actually rode your bike. I remember it. I was peddling and my dad let go without me knowing. I looked back and he was five feet away from me. What if my dad had asked me, "Can I let go now?", I would have said "NO." After getting hurt in love you might be tempted to say "NO, not again." Or, you might not want to let go (of a bad relationship) in the first place, knowing how much it will hurt.
I believe being vulnerable in a marriage is necessary for a thriving, healthy relationship. That doesn't mean it will be easy though.
There are ways vulnerability in marriage can cause pain. You might feel vulnerable or exposed if your spouse makes more money than you do, if your spouse doesn't allow you to share your real emotions with them, if they divorce you, if they look at porn and can't appreciate your body, if they make you feel as if they are only looking out for themselves, if they never sacrifice anything for you, etc. There are many ways that being vulnerable with a spouse can become harmful. Seeing these types of issues play out in the media does not make it any easier to be open with a spouse.
If you are human than you are vulnerable. My argument is for allowing yourself to show your vulnerability in your marriage, despite the risks involved.
What about other areas in life, should we be vulnerable/open? Seth Godin and Steve Jobs have some similar ideas about being vulnerable enough to fail, perhaps, before you succeed. Similar to marriage, it's worth it to open up to the point where you may fail or get hurt.
I'm convinced that vulnerability has its place in life and in a healthy marriage. This make take shape in sharing a bank account, having sex (if you're nervous to take it all off or if you're trying something new), trusting your spouse enough to let them see all of your spending or savings, letting your spouse know about a traumatic childhood situation, having your spouse help you when you are sick, letting them know your dreams (even if you aren't sure they will come true), letting them see you cry, etc. Being exposed and vulnerable has allowed me to become much closer to my husband. I believe we have started to grow together because we've gone through the difficult moments where we have exposed who we "really" are to each other. We took the plunge and became exposed to each other in big chunks and in small ways. With each new layer that is revealed we become closer and we have begun to morph into something greater than 2 married people that coexist. Without being open to getting hurt you may not be open to the deepest parts of a marital relationship.
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