Before using our budget, I would shop because I was upset or overworked or underpaid or needed to feel better about something. I didn't realize how powerful this emotional spending component was until I was restricted in my spending (aka: not using the ever-flowing fountain of student loan money and only using what we budgeted). I didn't buy expensive things. I didn't think I was going overboard. I found good deals, which was another emotional high, and had enough money to pay the bills each month in college. I felt very sure that my new purchase was both something I deserved and something that I could afford.
After a big test in college, I would go shopping. I felt better about buying something because I worked hard to study for the test. I also felt better because I had something that looked great on me. Even if it was just a new 5$ scarf, I would feel prettier and happier.
I would shop with my friends and family. If I wanted to hang out with someone or have them hang out with me we would often shop at the mall. It felt like we were both getting "something" done and finding something to wear for the weekend. I would also shop with my family when they came to town. Many mother-grandmother-daughter relationships consist of shopping. Mine did as well. Together-time happens when mom takes child to a place of business and purchases something for them. The talking/bonding happens presumably while on the hunt for a good deal or something that looks great.
It's probably not necessary to say that I still go to places of business to buy things. I can't make my own clothes or shoes or toilet paper. I do still buy items I don't need...since I'm human and have flaws. The difference is that my buying is intentional. I don't just find myself driving to target. I don't just see something in the store and think that I must have it. A light triggers now when I look at something and want it. It's a light that didn't have time to turn on in the past. In the past I would look at something, want it, decide that I deserved it and then buy it. That flawed process is broken now with the help of my envelope system. Emotionally speaking, I try to disconnect my wants from my needs. I try to disconnect the fact that there are pretty things in the store that I want with the fact that I worked hard yesterday doing something difficult in another area of my life (like finding a job or cleaning my house or giving a friend great support). I try to separate my purchasing from any feelings of unhappiness or self worth. This is not something that can happen overnight. I myself have a long ways to go.
Budgeting has changed my thought process. I DO think about how much I'm going to have left in my envelope after I buy this item. This helps me to stop and think...do I really want this item? Is this item really something I'm willing to spend my money on? What if I find something I want more later in the month? There are other perks. If a salesmen of any kind is pressuring you...you can say things like "I don't have any money left in my envelope this month" or...."I check with my husband before spending money not in my budget."
At the beginning of the month I think ahead about what activities will be happening that month. For instance this month we are taking a weekend trip to Galena, IL, my friends and I will tailgate for the University of Iowa football game, and several members of my family have birthdays (this comes out of our gift envelope). A few months ago I had 60$ left in my fun envelope at the end of the month. I paper clipped and set aside this money. This month I used that extra money to spend on groceries for our Galena trip. I have been saving my fun money this month to spend on food/fun when my friends come to town.
This is not easy, but worthwhile. It also opens the door to let other positive emotions come into your life.
No comments:
Post a Comment