I'm 27. As I look around most of my friends are getting set in some sort of career. That means they are moving to new locations for those new jobs, getting new places, and getting set in a routine.
I did the same thing. My husband and I moved for his new job, and then I found a new job. We didn't start with a lot of friends where we live. This was a huge change from college.
Making new friends was a lot harder than I thought it would be. We were so well connected by the time we left college that moving to a new city was a shock. I assumed that since we had dozens of friends in college that we would easily and quickly find new friends in our new city. Wrong. It took us a few years and several months of depression for me to figure it out.
How did we make friends? We wound up finding an organization (a big church) with lots of young people. Even though we joined a class for young, married couples...we still didn't immediately have a circle of friends. The new friends came one at a time. Those first conversations were very awkward and difficult. The first year of hanging out with new people was more of a "get to know you" year. I was so disheartened because friends weren't coming quickly/easily. But, as time moved on, we became very close with some of the couples. So close that I would feel comfortable calling one of my new girlfriends crying:)
I've noticed that many of my other college friends are having the same struggles. I think one big way to seek out those new friendships is through organizations such as recreational sports teams, church, work friends, clubs, etc. It's hard because I don't think my generation is one to quickly join an organization. In fact, I heard that my generation tends to only join one or two organizations that they deeply believe in. That means it may take a while before you find what you're looking for (if you're my age).
It's not easy but if we don't learn to "date" new couples or make new friends, how will we feel fulfilled or connected? Friendship is important for humans. Even if it's uncomfortable I urge you to look around and consider joining something.
Showing posts with label career. Show all posts
Showing posts with label career. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Gratituesday - Thesis is Finished
I'm so thankful to be done with my thesis.
I went to graduate school to study sociology. I had to write a thesis (aka: short book) in order to earn my degree. This was a painfully long and difficult task. It took me about 3 and a half years from start to finish. My grandma compared it to pregnancy...with all the difficulties and with knowing the long process it took to deliver. Thank goodness it has arrived.
I actually finished the paper/book back in December 2010. Even today I catch myself reflecting on how glad I am to be done. I learned a lot about myself a long the way.
I learned that I need mentors in my life. My amazing mentor/professor helped me at every step. She encouraged me, gave me deadlines, asked thought-provoking questions, praised my work, and much more. I now know I need someone who has been where I am, and that has gone in a direction I would like to go in. I need friends that are a few steps ahead of me and friends that are way ahead of me... to guide me in the right direction. It is vital for me to have a variety of people in my life that have succeeded at doing the things I want to do.
I have to take one day at a time. Often along the process, I felt overwhelmed about the huge task that lay before me. I would sit down to work on my paper and find my mind wandering to the day I would finish. That day felt like it was light years away. I had a hard time figuring out what to put on page one, let alone page 100. I could not imagine my finished product very well. I had a hard time seeing what the finished paper would look like. Towards the end of the project I sped up because I was able to take one day at a time and break the project into tiny slivers of work.
I like short projects. I am a very creative person. I have ideas flowing out of me all the time. Unfortunately, I couldn't utilize this skill very often when writing my thesis. A thesis requires a lot of intense work on the same paragraph you just spent an hour on. My creative juices were either under-utilized or totally shot...I'm not sure which...from working so hard on just one paragraph at a time. I now look for jobs/projects that can be finished in obvious smaller portions or in shorter periods of time (under 6 months).
Often when I am at my job, I am so thankful I'm not sitting in a coffee shop writing my thesis!
I went to graduate school to study sociology. I had to write a thesis (aka: short book) in order to earn my degree. This was a painfully long and difficult task. It took me about 3 and a half years from start to finish. My grandma compared it to pregnancy...with all the difficulties and with knowing the long process it took to deliver. Thank goodness it has arrived.
I actually finished the paper/book back in December 2010. Even today I catch myself reflecting on how glad I am to be done. I learned a lot about myself a long the way.
I learned that I need mentors in my life. My amazing mentor/professor helped me at every step. She encouraged me, gave me deadlines, asked thought-provoking questions, praised my work, and much more. I now know I need someone who has been where I am, and that has gone in a direction I would like to go in. I need friends that are a few steps ahead of me and friends that are way ahead of me... to guide me in the right direction. It is vital for me to have a variety of people in my life that have succeeded at doing the things I want to do.
I have to take one day at a time. Often along the process, I felt overwhelmed about the huge task that lay before me. I would sit down to work on my paper and find my mind wandering to the day I would finish. That day felt like it was light years away. I had a hard time figuring out what to put on page one, let alone page 100. I could not imagine my finished product very well. I had a hard time seeing what the finished paper would look like. Towards the end of the project I sped up because I was able to take one day at a time and break the project into tiny slivers of work.
I like short projects. I am a very creative person. I have ideas flowing out of me all the time. Unfortunately, I couldn't utilize this skill very often when writing my thesis. A thesis requires a lot of intense work on the same paragraph you just spent an hour on. My creative juices were either under-utilized or totally shot...I'm not sure which...from working so hard on just one paragraph at a time. I now look for jobs/projects that can be finished in obvious smaller portions or in shorter periods of time (under 6 months).
Often when I am at my job, I am so thankful I'm not sitting in a coffee shop writing my thesis!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Post College Expectations
If you are anything like me, then you also had GREAT expectations for what it would look like when you finished college.
My expectations included some of the following descriptions. I planned to have a large house, maybe not immediately, but surely by 27 (the age I am now). I'd be able to decorate it with matching pieces of furniture. I planned to buy nice clothes (like Banana Republic, etc.). I thought that I would be wearing those nice clothes to a nice paying job that I would enjoy. I assumed I'd find a husband, but wasn't that positive about my hopes for marriage (which have changed greatly and will be addressed in another post.) I figured I'd be able to eat out regularly at fancy restaurants if I wanted to (I didn't know how to cook until age 25ish). I thought I could afford a nice car as well. I figured I'd be making slightly under 100K (before 30:) and be successful at work. I always planned to work outside the home and be able to pay a sitter. I figured I'd travel across the county often and take lots of "little" side trips to the neighboring states.
Ohh, foolish me. What I didn't anticipate was my debt or how my major in sociology would effect my ability to get paid 100K. Somewhere in my mind I thought I'd make enough money to outrun my excessive spending, simply because I'd be getting paid a lot. I figured I'd slowly pay off student loans/mortgage while I quickly made a lot of money.
How do things stack up now that I've been done with graduate courses for two years? I don't make 100K. I actually made better money delivering pizzas (tips included) in high school. I made about 10$/hr to deliver pizza and then made anywhere from 2-15$/hr in tips. Wow, maybe I should look into that again. Ok, really I love being a crisis counselor. I love to help people in need. But, people in need can't afford to pay for services. So most of my income comes from the government and grants. I make about 11$/hr at my morning job. My afternoon job pays a bit better at 13.75$/hr. OUCH. That is not what I expected to be making at 27.
I do have a house (that we can afford), but it's filled with my families second hand stuff. My house actually looks like my grandma's living room twenty years ago:) I can't afford to buy new pieces so nothing matches. Or, perhaps I should say it's "eclectic"?? My closets are filled with clothes from since I was 16. My new clothes are generally second hand from Plato's Closet. I don't have a new car, but I did purchase my Buick from my grandparents. I can't complain for a second about my car. Traveling has happened some for us. We got free plane tickets (thanks to getting booted off another flight) so we have visited our friends in Colorado. We also saw some friends in New York buy signing up for a credit card that gives you free tickets (I don't recommend this).
I learned how to cook. Actually my husband I both learned from the Food Network. We don't have cable anymore, but we did have cable for our first two years of marriage. I loved watching and ultimately my hubby and I learned to cook. Which is a good thing because it is so much cheaper to make your own food at home. This also allows for leftovers. We can't afford to eat out very much.We have actually become very picky about our food and where it comes from.
I did find an amazing man and have changed many of my (previously bitter) views about marriage.
What happens when expectations don't meet reality? Well, I'm working on learning to be content with what I have. I have always had a creative mind. I have ideas flowing out of me. For example, I plan to write a book someday about relationships and am using this blog as a way to practice my writing. I can easily see how I could sell a million books and be successful financially. On the other hand, I have not sold a million books yet and need to live with my 20$ couch from Craigslist for the time being. I am trying to balance contentment with the possibilities of tomorrow. It's a slippery slope balancing dreams of tomorrow with the reality of today. It takes practice and some days that balancing act gets the best of me.
How do you balance contentment today with setting goals for tomorrow?
My expectations included some of the following descriptions. I planned to have a large house, maybe not immediately, but surely by 27 (the age I am now). I'd be able to decorate it with matching pieces of furniture. I planned to buy nice clothes (like Banana Republic, etc.). I thought that I would be wearing those nice clothes to a nice paying job that I would enjoy. I assumed I'd find a husband, but wasn't that positive about my hopes for marriage (which have changed greatly and will be addressed in another post.) I figured I'd be able to eat out regularly at fancy restaurants if I wanted to (I didn't know how to cook until age 25ish). I thought I could afford a nice car as well. I figured I'd be making slightly under 100K (before 30:) and be successful at work. I always planned to work outside the home and be able to pay a sitter. I figured I'd travel across the county often and take lots of "little" side trips to the neighboring states.
Ohh, foolish me. What I didn't anticipate was my debt or how my major in sociology would effect my ability to get paid 100K. Somewhere in my mind I thought I'd make enough money to outrun my excessive spending, simply because I'd be getting paid a lot. I figured I'd slowly pay off student loans/mortgage while I quickly made a lot of money.
How do things stack up now that I've been done with graduate courses for two years? I don't make 100K. I actually made better money delivering pizzas (tips included) in high school. I made about 10$/hr to deliver pizza and then made anywhere from 2-15$/hr in tips. Wow, maybe I should look into that again. Ok, really I love being a crisis counselor. I love to help people in need. But, people in need can't afford to pay for services. So most of my income comes from the government and grants. I make about 11$/hr at my morning job. My afternoon job pays a bit better at 13.75$/hr. OUCH. That is not what I expected to be making at 27.
I do have a house (that we can afford), but it's filled with my families second hand stuff. My house actually looks like my grandma's living room twenty years ago:) I can't afford to buy new pieces so nothing matches. Or, perhaps I should say it's "eclectic"?? My closets are filled with clothes from since I was 16. My new clothes are generally second hand from Plato's Closet. I don't have a new car, but I did purchase my Buick from my grandparents. I can't complain for a second about my car. Traveling has happened some for us. We got free plane tickets (thanks to getting booted off another flight) so we have visited our friends in Colorado. We also saw some friends in New York buy signing up for a credit card that gives you free tickets (I don't recommend this).
I learned how to cook. Actually my husband I both learned from the Food Network. We don't have cable anymore, but we did have cable for our first two years of marriage. I loved watching and ultimately my hubby and I learned to cook. Which is a good thing because it is so much cheaper to make your own food at home. This also allows for leftovers. We can't afford to eat out very much.We have actually become very picky about our food and where it comes from.
I did find an amazing man and have changed many of my (previously bitter) views about marriage.
What happens when expectations don't meet reality? Well, I'm working on learning to be content with what I have. I have always had a creative mind. I have ideas flowing out of me. For example, I plan to write a book someday about relationships and am using this blog as a way to practice my writing. I can easily see how I could sell a million books and be successful financially. On the other hand, I have not sold a million books yet and need to live with my 20$ couch from Craigslist for the time being. I am trying to balance contentment with the possibilities of tomorrow. It's a slippery slope balancing dreams of tomorrow with the reality of today. It takes practice and some days that balancing act gets the best of me.
How do you balance contentment today with setting goals for tomorrow?
Billy's Bakery - my favorite one in New York City
Monday, September 26, 2011
The Big Fish - The Job That Got Away
During the few months I was working part time, I was looking for full time work. I had actually been helping out a few hours a week at an office where a position became available. I applied for the job. The strange thing was that they published the salary in the ad for the position. I thought that I would be a likely candidate for the job since I had made connections in the office. I was also excited because of the amazingly high salary the position was offering. It was a government job with a 60,000$/year income. I was very nervous for the interview, but my husband helped me prepare by quizzing me nightly with interview questions. I did some research as well. I could continue talking about how I prepared for my interview, but this post is not about preparations for an interview.
This post is really about my greed. During my interview preparations and the week following the interview I started to drift in perspective. I started to dream about all the amazing things we could buy with so much extra income. It would have been a significant jump in income, from my low paying (10$/hr) part time gig to this huge salary. I started to think about how I deserved such a great paying job since I have a graduate degree. I reasoned that my hard work in grad school would all be worth it, if I got this job. I imagined what an awesome jump this job would lead to in my career path. There would be no where to go but up... in income after this job.
I thought about how I would "need" a new wardrobe. After all, someone that gets paid so much money should dress like they get paid so much money. Of course, I would be "reasonable"...maybe spend 500$-1000$ on new clothes over the course of 3 months. I started telling family how fast we would pay off debt if I got this job. Which is interesting considering I was coming up with the idea to spend so much of the extra income on things we didn't need.
I also experienced guilt. I thought about how fast we would pay off debt and how it wouldn't be much of a struggle. How would I counsel others, who were struggling to pay off their debt, when I wasn't sacrificing at all? Since all my friends and family know we are on a budget, what would they think of my new clothes or new purchases of nice things in our home..while we still had debt to pay off?
All this happened in just the few weeks that I studied for my interview and while waiting to hear back if I got the job. What a tremendous shift in thinking. Before I heard about the job...and the salary...I was so set on sticking to our written budget, no matter what job I got. But, immediately I started imagining how I would spend the money on things I didn't need.
It all came crashing down when I didn't get offered the position. It was difficult to hear. I threw a small tantrum. I cried to my husband and to my friends. All my hopes about how I would spend the extra income were gone. My ideas about the extra clothes and nice things were ripped from my head.
What I was left with started to make me realize how greedy I had been. I was left with a wonderful home full of stuff, a wonderful husband, a fun part time job, time to talk to great friends, good health, time to workout, time to see my family, time to make great food, and still enough money from the part-time job to make extra payments each month. It's amazing how the thought of extra income morphed my hopes and dreams for a few weeks.
Here I am a few months later waiting to hear back about a new and exciting full time job. Luckily, I didn't know what the pay would be until the day of the interview. It's less, but that's not a problem because it will still be a significant amount to put towards extra payments! I also haven't made any plans for spending the extra income on things we don't need. Lesson learned.
This post is really about my greed. During my interview preparations and the week following the interview I started to drift in perspective. I started to dream about all the amazing things we could buy with so much extra income. It would have been a significant jump in income, from my low paying (10$/hr) part time gig to this huge salary. I started to think about how I deserved such a great paying job since I have a graduate degree. I reasoned that my hard work in grad school would all be worth it, if I got this job. I imagined what an awesome jump this job would lead to in my career path. There would be no where to go but up... in income after this job.
I thought about how I would "need" a new wardrobe. After all, someone that gets paid so much money should dress like they get paid so much money. Of course, I would be "reasonable"...maybe spend 500$-1000$ on new clothes over the course of 3 months. I started telling family how fast we would pay off debt if I got this job. Which is interesting considering I was coming up with the idea to spend so much of the extra income on things we didn't need.
I also experienced guilt. I thought about how fast we would pay off debt and how it wouldn't be much of a struggle. How would I counsel others, who were struggling to pay off their debt, when I wasn't sacrificing at all? Since all my friends and family know we are on a budget, what would they think of my new clothes or new purchases of nice things in our home..while we still had debt to pay off?
All this happened in just the few weeks that I studied for my interview and while waiting to hear back if I got the job. What a tremendous shift in thinking. Before I heard about the job...and the salary...I was so set on sticking to our written budget, no matter what job I got. But, immediately I started imagining how I would spend the money on things I didn't need.
It all came crashing down when I didn't get offered the position. It was difficult to hear. I threw a small tantrum. I cried to my husband and to my friends. All my hopes about how I would spend the extra income were gone. My ideas about the extra clothes and nice things were ripped from my head.
What I was left with started to make me realize how greedy I had been. I was left with a wonderful home full of stuff, a wonderful husband, a fun part time job, time to talk to great friends, good health, time to workout, time to see my family, time to make great food, and still enough money from the part-time job to make extra payments each month. It's amazing how the thought of extra income morphed my hopes and dreams for a few weeks.
Here I am a few months later waiting to hear back about a new and exciting full time job. Luckily, I didn't know what the pay would be until the day of the interview. It's less, but that's not a problem because it will still be a significant amount to put towards extra payments! I also haven't made any plans for spending the extra income on things we don't need. Lesson learned.
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